difference between self-aware and self critical

there's a seethe in the and between self-aware and self-critical
clenching intestinal roil against itself
pushing pushing pushing at the ribcage
I ask my therapist about the difference, the discomfort with the description
of the circling around and under every impulse
rounding cloves and halving hitches
gordian why's and where did that come from's
Is it that growth is discomfort or that
"Happy" and "Better" have twisted themselves together again
as healing becomes another workplace to get lost in